oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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