the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
