she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
