I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
