i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
