Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
