I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
