Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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