my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
