Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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