you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
