You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
