put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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