well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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