i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
