like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
