I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
