Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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