So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
