Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
