yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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