oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
