if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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