If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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