She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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