I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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