Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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