you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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