there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
