just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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