I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
