My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
