drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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