The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I party with great urgency now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
