dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
