I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
