the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
