Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
