are you still at the devil's house?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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