i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
