I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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