the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
