Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
