some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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