So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Jerry, you need to find god
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
