Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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