Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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