you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
