i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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