Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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