he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it was like eating out sand paper
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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