You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
