i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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