haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
mondays should just be called national damage control day
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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