Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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