i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
