...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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