Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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