Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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