I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
