I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
