The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
