On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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