final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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