Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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