Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
