In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
